Preface:
Shewalkedaloneonthedesertedbeach,herfeetsinkingintothesoftsand.Thesaltywindtuggedatherhairandclothes,whilethewavescrashedagainsttheshorewithanunrelentingrhythm.Shelookeduptothesky,wherethesunwassettinginablazeoforangeandpink.Itwasabeautifulsight,butshecouldnotappreciateit.Herheartwasheavywithgrief,andhereyeswerefilledwithtears.Shehadlostsomethingprecious,somethingthatcouldneverberegained.Asshewalked,sheleftbehindafaintshadow,areminderofherpainandloneliness.
Paragraph1:
HernamewasEmily,andshewasayoungwomaninhertwenties.Shehadalwaysbeenadreamer,withaheartfullofhopeandaheadfullofideas.Shehadgrownupinasmalltownbythesea,whereshehadspentcountlesshoursexploringtherockycoastlineandwatchingtheshipsgoby.Shehadalwaysknownthatshewantedmorefromlifethanwhatherhometowncouldoffer.Soshehadgonetothecitytostudy,towork,tolive.Andthereshehadmethim.
Paragraph2:
HisnamewasJack,andhewaseverythingshehadeverwantedinaman.Hewashandsome,intelligent,funny,kind.Hesharedherpassionsandherdreams.Theyhadfalleninlovequicklyanddeeply,andtheyhadspentmanyhappymonthstogether.Theyhadexploredthecity,gonetoconcertsandmuseums,triednewfoodsanddrinks.Theyhadtalkedabouttheirfuture,abouttheirhopesandfears.Theyhadfeltinvincible,unstoppable.
Paragraph3:
Butthensomethinghadhappened.Somethingthathadshatteredtheiridyllicworld.Jackhadbeendiagnosedwitharareandaggressiveformofcancer.Ithadcomeoutofnowhere,likeathiefinthenight,stealinghishealthandhishappiness.Emilyhadbeendevastated,ofcourse.Shehadcried,shehadraged,shehadbeggedforamiracle.Buttherehadbeennomiracle.Therehadbeenonlytheslowandpainfuldeclineofherbeloved.
Paragraph4:
Shehadstayedbyhisside,ofcourse.Shehadbecomehisnurse,hisconfidante,hislover.Shehadwatchedhimsuffer,watchedhimlosehishairandhisstrengthandhisdignity.Shehadheldhishand,kissedhisforehead,whisperedwordsofloveandencouragement.Shehadfeltpowerless,helpless,hopeless.Shehadknownthathewasslippingawayfromher,inchbyinch,daybyday.
Paragraph5:
Andthenonedayhewasgone.Justlikethat.Onemomenthewasbreathing,thenexthewasnot.Ithadbeenpeaceful,atleast.Hehadnotsufferedanymore.ButEmilyhadsuffered.Shehadfeltasifapartofherhadbeenrippedaway,leavingavoidthatcouldneverbefilled.Shehadcrieduntilshehadnomoretearsleft.Shehadscreameduntilherthroatwasraw.Shehadwantedtodietoo,tojoinhiminwhatevercameafterdeath.
Paragraph6:
Butshehadnotdied.Shehadlivedon,inaworldthatwassuddenlygrayandbleak.Shehadtriedtogobacktoheroldlife,toherstudiesandherworkandherfriends.Buteverythingseemedmeaninglessnow.Shecouldnotfindjoyinanything.Shecouldnotsleep,couldnoteat,couldnotconcentrate.Shefeltasifshewaslivinginanightmarethatwouldneverend.
Paragraph7:
Andsoshehadcomehere,tothebeachwheretheyhadfirstmet.Itwasaplacethatheldmanymemoriesforher,bothhappyandsad.Shehadhopedthatbeingherewouldbringhersomecomfort,somesolace.Butithadnot.Thebeachwasasemptyandcoldasherheart.Thewaveswereasuncaringandrelentlessastimeitself.Thesunwassetting,asitalwaysdid,withoutregardforherpain.
Paragraph8:
Shewalkedon,hereyesfixedonthehorizon.Shewasnotsurewhereshewasgoing,orwhy.Shejustknewthatshecouldnotstaystill,couldnotfacetheemptinessthatthreatenedtoswallowherwhole.Shewalkeduntilshecametoasmallcove,shelteredbyahighcliff.Thecovewashiddenfromview,asecretsanctuary.Shehadneverbeenherebefore,butsomethingdrewhertoit.
Paragraph9:
Assheenteredthecove,shesawsomethingthatmadeherheartskipabeat.Therewasamanthere,sittingonarockbythewater'sedge.Hewasstaringouttosea,hisfacesomberandcontemplative.Helookedupassheapproached,andtheireyesmet.Therewasamomentofawkwardsilence,asiftheywerebothunsureofwhattodoorsay.
Paragraph10:
Themanwasolderthanher,inhisfortiesperhaps.Hehaddarkhairandabeard,andheworealeatherjacketoverawhiteshirtandjeans.Helookedruggedandhandsome,inawaythatremindedherofJack.Shewonderedwhohewas,andwhyhewashere.
Paragraph11:
Hebrokethesilencefirst."Hello,"hesaid,inadeepvoicethatseemedtovibratethroughher.
"Hello,"shereplied,softly.
"I'msorryifI'mintruding,"hesaid,gesturingtotherockbesidehim."Pleasesitdownifyoulike."
Shehesitatedforamoment,thendecidedtojoinhim.Shesatontherock,feelingthecoolnessofthestoneseepingthroughherclothes.
Paragraph12:
Theysatinsilenceforawhile,watchingthewaves.Thesunwasalmostgonenow,leavingatrailofpurpleandblueinitswake.Theairwasgettingcolder,andshefeltashiverrunthroughher.Shewonderedifsheshouldleave,ifthisencounterwastoostrangeanduncomfortable.
Butthenthemanspokeagain."Icomehereoften,"hesaid."It'sagoodplacetothink."
"Thinkaboutwhat?"sheasked,curiousdespiteherself.
"Oh,everythingandnothing,"hesaid,withafaintsmile."Life,death,love,loss.Thethingsthatmatter,andthethingsthatdon't."
Paragraph13:
Shefeltapangofrecognition."Iknowwhatyoumean,"shesaid,softly."Ilostsomeonerecently."
"I'msorry,"hesaid,hisvoicegentle."Whowasit?"
"SomeoneIloved,"shesaid,notsureifshewantedtosaymore.
Henodded,asifheunderstood."Ilostsomeonetoo,"hesaid."Mywife."
Paragraph14:
Shelookedathim,surprised."Yourwife?"
"Yes,"hesaid,withasigh."Shediedofcancer,afewyearsago."
"I'msorry,"shesaid,feelingasurgeofempathy."Thatmusthavebeenhard."
"Itwas,"hesaid,lookingouttoseaagain."Itstillis,sometimes.ButI'velearnedtolivewithit."
"How?"sheasked,wantingtoknowmore.
"Idon'tknow,"headmitted,withashrug."IguessIjustkeepgoing.Ikeepmovingforward,evenwhenIdon'tfeellikeit.Itrytofindmeaninginthelittlethings,themomentsofbeautyandjoythatarestillthere,evenwheneverythingelseseemsdark."
Paragraph15:
Shelistenedtohim,feelingastrangesenseofcomfort.Itwasasifhewasspeakingtoherdirectly,asifheknewexactlywhatshewasfeeling.Shewonderedhowhehadcometothisplaceofacceptanceandresilience.
"Didyoucomehereoftenwithyourwife?"sheasked,hopingtolearnmore.
"Yes,"hesaid,smilingfaintly."Weusedtowatchthestarsfromhere.Shelovedthestars."
"Whathappenedtoher?"sheasked,notsureifshewantedtoknow.
"Shediedinmyarms,"hesaid,hisvoicesteadybutsad."Athome.Wehadhospicecare,butIwantedhertobewithme.Andshewas.Shewaswithmeuntiltheend."
Paragraph16:
Shefeltalumpinherthroat,imaginingthescene.ShewonderedifJackhadbeenscaredorinpainwhenhedied.
"Whatwashername?"sheasked,needingtoknow.
"Sarah,"hesaid,hiseyesmisty."SarahTaylor.Shewasanartist,apainter.Shelovedtocapturethebeautyofnature.Shewouldhavelovedthisview."
"Shesoundswonderful,"shesaid,feelingapangofjealousy.ShewishedshehadknownJacklonger,hadmorememoriestoholdonto.
"Shewas,"hesaid,smilingagain."Andyouknowwhat?Shestillis.Inaway.Herartisstilloutthere,stillmakingpeoplehappy.Herspiritisstillaliveinthepeoplewholovedher.Andinme."
Paragraph17:
Shelookedathim,feelingaflickerofhope.MaybetherewasawaytokeepJack'sspiritalivetoo.Maybetherewasawaytofindsomemeaningintheirtragedy.
"Doyoustillpaint?"sheaskedhim,suddenlycurious.
"No,"hesaid,shakinghishead."Itried,forawhile.Butitdidn'tfeelright.Itwasliketryingtocaptureamemorythatwasfadingaway.SoIstopped.Idootherthingsnow.Ihike,Iread,Ivolunteeratahospice.ItrytohelpotherswhoaregoingthroughwhatIwentthrough."
"That'sadmirable,"shesaid,feelingasparkofrespect.
"It'sjustsomethingthatIneedtodo,"hesaid,shruggingagain."IthelpsmetofeellikeI'mmakingadifference.LikeSarah'sdeathwasn'tinvain."
Paragraph18:
Shelookedathim,feelingasenseofkinship.Maybetheywerebothsearchingforawaytohonortheirlovedones,tofindsomepurposeintheirgrief.Maybetheywerebothhopingtofindawaytomoveon,withoutforgetting.
"Idon'tknowifIcandothat,"shesaid,softly."Idon'tknowifIcanevergetoverhim."
"Youdon'thaveto,"hesaid,turningtoher."Youdon'thavetoforgethim,orstoplovinghim.Butyouhavetofindawaytolivewithhim.Tocarryhimwithyou,inawaythatdoesn'tcrushyou.That'swhatSarahtaughtme,intheend.Thatlovedoesn'tendwhenlifedoes.Thatitcanstillbeaforcethatguidesyou,thatcomfortsyou,thatinspiresyou."
Paragraph19:
Shefeltatearslidedownhercheek.ShewonderedifJackwaswatchingher,fromwhereverhewas.
"Imisshimsomuch,"shewhispered.
"Iknow,"hesaid,hisvoicelowandsoothing."Butrememberthis.You'renotalone.Youhavehislovewithyou,always.Andyouhaveminetoo,ifyouwantit."
Shelookedathim,feelingasurgeofgratitude.Shewonderedifshecouldeverrepayhiskindness.
"Thankyou,"shesaid,softly.
"You'rewelcome,"hesaid,withasmile."Andyouknowwhat?Ithinkweshoulddosomething.Somethingtohonorourlovedones.Somethingtocelebratetheirlives."
"What?"sheasked,curiousagain.
"Idon'tknow,"hesaid,laughingnow."Somethingcrazy,maybe.Somethingthattheywouldhaveapprovedof.Somethingthatwillmakeusfeelalive."
Paragraph20:
Shelookedathim,feelingasparkofexcitement.Maybethiswaswhatsheneeded.Awaytobreakfreefromhersorrow,tofindsomejoyagain.
"Okay,"shesaid,smilingnowtoo."Let'sdoit."
"Great,"hesaid,standingupandofferinghishand."Comeon."
Shetookhishand,feelingarushofenergy.Shewonderedwherehewastakingher,andwhattheywoulddo.ShewonderedifJackwaswatchingthem,andifhewouldapprove.
Paragraph21:
Theywalkedalongthebeach,handinhand.Theskywasdarknow,butthestarswereshiningbrightlyabovethem.Theylaughedandtalked,sharingstoriesoftheirlovedonesandtheirdreams.Theyfeltliketwochildren,runningfreeinaplayground.Theyfeltliketwowarriors,facingtheworldtogether.
Andastheywalked,theyleftbehindtwoshadowsonthesand.Buttheywerenotshadowsofsorrowanymore.Theywereshadowsofhope,oflove,oflife.
Paragraph22:
Epilogue:
Emilyneverforgotthatnight.Itbecameaturningpointforher,amomentofclarityandcourage.Sheandtheman,whosenamesheneverlearned,didsomethingcrazyindeed.Theyclimbedtothetopofahillandsangoldlovesongsunderthestars,untiltheirthroatsweresoreandtheirheartswerefull.Theydancedonthebeach,splashinginthewaveslikechildren.Theywroteletterstotheirlovedones,pouringouttheirheartsinwords.Andwhenthenightwasover,theyhuggedeachothertightlyandsaidgoodbye,asiftheyhadbeenfriendsforalifetime.
Emilywentbacktothecity,toherstudiesandherworkandherfriends.Butshewasnotthesamepersonanymore.ShecarriedJackwithher,asasourceofstrengthandinspiration.Shefoundnewmeaninginherlife,inthethingsthatmattered.Shewentbacktothebeachoften,butsheneversawthemanagain.Shewonderedifhewasanangel,senttoguideherthroughherdarkesthours.Shewonderedifhewasrealatall.
Butitdidn'tmatter.Whatmatteredwasthatshehadfoundawaytolivewiththelingeringshadowofsorrow.Andthatshehadleftbehindabrightershadowofhope.
